You

I have no idea if I will feel this way a thousand times over. I hope not. The pain stings like something too sharp. You sat across from me nights ago displaying all your worst traits. Drunk, angry for silly reasons, short on good logic, long on cutting words. But this didn't stop me, didn't keep me from wanting you. I wanted to crawl into your lap and run my fingers thru your beard and nuzle my nose in your curly hair. I wanted it so bad that it took all the strength in the world to hang on to my chair. I hugged you tight and breathed in your smell but let you walk away. Strength, courage, pain. Breath it out.  I want you because you make me laugh, I want you because you roll around in intelectual topics with the same fervent need for academic logic. I want you because you can talk about all of it with clear bold honesty, wading thru it all with boots on ready for the emotional muck.  You admit to your flaws and mine with compassion that feels like creamy soup, smooth and warm. We have some sort of genuineness that is not easily packaged. I keep spending time with other men wondering if thier smell could ever intoxicate me as yours does. Looking for someone whose smell I want for breakfast, whose conversation I want for lunch and whose skin I want for dinner. I keep waiting for some sign that another is possible. But I can't seem to find it. Help me lord if you are the only one that I can't unstick from. Help me lord if you are the only drug that gets me high.