Butterflies and the like

I spent part of a day with a boy who makes my stomache flutter. I am totally unclear why. Do butterflies mean something or are they just nature telling me to sample his sperm for genetic suitability and have no bearing on cultural compatability? I think I allready know what is wrong with him. He is another one who can't attatch. Unfixable. Also, his sense of order would ensure he hated me and my disorder once the oxcytocin wore off. But there were butterflies. Isn't that worth something? Or should it be discarded. 

Friends who I know who are dating plainly shouldn't be. The girl coos and looks on with awe at all that is hansome about the man. But the man looks to me like he is missing butterflies. Like there is a hole in his stomach and they all flew the coop in search of someone else. He is a sweet man who likes the company enough and doesn't want to hurt her that he may just decide to stick it out. 

I know what a real relationship feels like, one that drudges thru paying bills and dirty diapers and still enjoys the sweet comfort of a conversation after a long dirty day. But I also know what 17 years feel like when there were no butterflies to start. I think maybe you need the butterflies. I think they maybe should not just be cocooned worms upon first meeting but allready have shead thier crystalis and be swarming about madly. 

The man who just broke up with me did so I believe because no butterflies were present. He feared our friendship would not carry us without them. I forgive you sweet friend and wish a bit with pain in my heart that I could have delivered you soft swooping wings painted in many colors filling your belly and tickling your heart. I lacked that power. 

I have no idea how I am meant to sort thru a pile of humans for butterflies and a good resume but I am starting to think that maybe it is the butterflies and not the resume that really count. 

There is a man who I have gone out with a few times and somehow I imagine I should like based on his resume. Despite searching at each coffee date under rocks and behind trees I find not even one odd winged creature. 

Firelies in the wild mate by flashing. The female stays on the ground and flashes a patern and the male flies around looking at the flashes and flashing his own pattern. If they like each others flashes they mate. 

I am currently wandering around searching in the dark for the right flashing that sends wings a loft inside me. May we both feel this together may we also have something worth talking about once the winged creatures are sleeping.