Truth revealed.

I wanted to take stock of all that we are. I am mad for you, the kind of madness that makes me want to plunge off emotional cliffs for you. I find it hard to make the sum of our parts add up. I find it hard to understand intellectually how it is that I feel I have known you all my life or that I know exactly who you are without you saying a word. Like I can feel your core and it somehow matches mine. But I also know that I am under the influence of powerful drugs. That I can't even see straight right now. That the chemical cloud we are floating on is so thick that you and I may as well be passing our days lounging on low tables puffing pipes in an opium den. We would make love all day amongst the cushions. I know we would. 

So I decided to exercise my left brain and make a list. This is my small list of the tangibles. The stuff that makes us something together. The stuff that we both are. The shared little bits we have in common. The stuff that is beyond the core of just getting and loving your soul, the you inside. 

This is what I have at the moment, I know there is more. Lots more. 

Let's start with food. Good place to start. We both like food, good food. Home made food. We like to cook. We don't know how much yet but both of us have this strong. We like coffee and red wine. I know you prefer craft beer but if we were in France you would drink wine with me. "Il etait une fois". I Saw this written today. You speak some French right? "Once upon a time" it means. This is how our story should start. It's better in French because it translates more to "it was one time" this is our time, our chapter in the book of life. It's a fairytale for me, it really is. And France... We would live there together by the sea. We both love this idea. But we would travel always to strange remote crazy places. We like adventures, even muddy ones. We like babies, babies that grow into amazing kids. We would make them together if only our genetics could find each other in the dark. Curly auburn haired babies with my eyes and your smile. 

We are both optimists, we know that everything is possible, if we can dream it we can do it. We believe in working hard and getting things done. We push past obstacles as if they were just simple rock walls to climb. Imagine if our forces were combined what we could imagine, what we could do? It's part of the reason I am willing to walk down this impossible path with you holding my hand. Because we know all things are possible with faith and hard work. For this reason we have the power to overcome even impossible romances. Mount them like black stallions and ride off into the sunset together. 

We are sensuous dare I say even romantic creatures you and I. We crave nuance and share some sort of taste for unusual passions of the senses. We have so much to share in this, so much to learn and experience  about this part of who we are together. This tangled mass of sex. 

We have some shared interest in biology. I like bugs too you know. You are just smarter about this than me. But I could certainly chat you up about these creatures invisible to the naked eye and their role in the immune system. The only book I own in bali is called "the art of fermentation". I make sauerkraut, you prefer wine but we like this I think for the same reason. This is life, alive before our feet. Science and magic together. 

I feel like there is more, it's not just an opium den we find ourselves in. We are real. Two pieces of a puzzle that have floated out to sea and found each other in the the dark. Found. 

I love you. You are no longer my imaginary boyfriend. I know now you are real.

Imaginary Boyfriend

You are my imaginary boyfriend. We have never met but I know I Love you. You told Me yourself that this was how you felt The other night as you drank one too many beers. That you were falling hopelssly thru the air, nothing to catch your fall. Your breath caught permenantly In your throat. 

You hold my hand as you walk me thru this imaginary world we create together. We are like avatars blue and capable of becoming anything that pleases us. 

"Is this just about sex for us?" I ask you earnestly seeking your answer. 

"No" you tell me and I believe you, but am suspicious that we are the victims of oxytocin's chemical intoxication. Heady And thick like lounging about in an opium den for hours as the smoke fills our lungs And makes the world outside slowly dissapear And feel pointless. 

We need each other. The kind Of need that is thick and sweet like honey. Dripping down My leg need. The kind Of need that makes my belly ache and my mind spin. We thirst for each other, its unquenchable, we keep drinking but It keeps coming. 

You seem to see me thru special glasses, rose colored ones, imagine I am more than I am. Describe me with superlatives that don't match my jean shorts and missmatched tan lines. I have one grey pubic hair, should I tell you this? A super model who is your biggest sexual fantasy. You feel lucky But I know I am. You make lasagne on a sunday For The week ahead you say. Meet me first and look at My frown lines close up I counter. 

But There is something There between us that goes back and forth. I like you. I like you in so many ways. You work hard traveling the world because you love your work. You will tie me up in bed and watch as I make love to another woman, in our minds, together, all befor morning coffee. We laugh, hard and long. I have not enough hours in the day to devour your mind. And then we drink The coffee. You just the right combination of sexy and requisite geek to satisfy my desires for a brain in bed and not just a body. But you are not here in front of me, you are but an apparation. A ghost. You will disapear as quickly as you have arrived. Return to your family and stop being my imaginary boyfriend.

Today I am flying on a plane to you. Crossing oceans and borders just to touch you. RiskingFlying from my island home of Bali to the big sterile city of Singapore. I will arrive at our hotel and change into tight jeans and heels, casual and just sexy enough. I will walk to a small bar and order a glass of red wine, warm and thick and In the perfect round wine glass It will keep me company as I wait for you. 

You are a stranger to Me. I have never kissed your lips nor have I touched your skin, but I know the inside if your mind. You have seen the inside Of mine. An old friend, a lover, that I have never met. 

I am a sure thing that you now get to devour without hesitation, But first you must drink wine with me across the table. Look at me here I am right in front Of you. No longer a screen In the way.