Becoming

When you met me I was a cosmetic girl with harry armpits who smoked, you said. This is true. Now I am many things. Still becoming you said. 

In Indonesian the word allready done is jadi. It is means to have allready become. Your true form revealed. Already become. 

When I was 20 I had not yet become. I dated you because you were nice to me and always smoked out me and my best friend on your unreasonably enormous six foot bong. At 20 I sold cosmetics in a flashy department store. I read the beauty myth to rebell against my superficial job and listened to Ani defranco. We danced to 80's night once a week and I wore heels. 

I now wax my armpits, I don't smoke and my make up routine is mascara and blush. I wear flip flops most days. Have I become? Is becoming something with an end? A point of completion? 

I want still to become, to unfold. I want to keep revealing new parts of myself like petals that unveil soft new fragrant bits as they open. 

In Indonesian if something is unfinished it is blum jadi, not yet become. I have yet to become. My trajectory is only what I make it. A million me's between here and death. I am responsible for my own path. Blum jadi.