Some one just told me a story about the traffic In Jakarta, the capital city in this country I call home. Sometimes the traffic jams are so bad that they last all night. Women are in the streets crying because they can't return home to thier children. They are just stuck in the street surrounded by cars that can't move. Each can't move because the other is there. I didn't ask but am left wondering, how is this resolved? What happens in the morning? I believe that the cars must eventually move. Slowly inch by inch, and then eventually picking up speed untill everything is freely flowing.
My life is this right now. Nothing moving and no possibility of escape. At somepoint something has to shift. The morning has to come.
He is getting on a plane with her today. A visa run to kuala lumpur. He shared coffee and tried to fix my computer befor he left. The strength it takes to accept and even love in the face of this is extreme. He hugged me and told me he loved me as we do. Then he drove away. He is not mine. I have to be strong and let him go. He is becoming something, I have to give him the space to become.
I have given up on online dating. I deactivated my account. Focusing on my relationship status is the wrong thing. This is too insane.
I will keep dancing and searching out the things in life that are me. I will try to beat back the aloness with a stick. The morning will come, things will start to move again one day soon. I have faith in this.
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